RUNNING FOR CHANCES

Elle is running 1,000 miles in 2025 over the course of 5 big runs and races. First, Grand Canyon R5 in April, Cocodona 250 in May, Tahoe 200 in June, Bigfoot 200 in August, and Moab 240 in October. She will be running for the Televerde Foundation and the wonderful women they support. Learn more

-A note from Elle on chances-

A retired version of my brain depicted chances as illusive, scarce, unsafe, and over-indexed in ruin, waste, and harm— failed goals equaled evidence. An invisible wall constructed of distrust in humanity. Detecting, selecting, and testing chances were undiscovered skills. The invisible wall turned out to be a mistrust of self. A complex pursuit of observing, understanding, and transforming what I could barely distinguish followed.

If chances were doors, there were few, all labeled, "Chances unsafe for Elle, resulting in non-safety: Do not try." No warning needed: I was not attempting to think of attempting. Fear of chance-taking did not surpass my fear of vocalizing "no" to people I esteemed. If they said, "Elle, this way, come to this door", I would. Inside my body, a panicked struggle ensued via mental obstacle courses, physically tensed but fixated on guiding words. Upon reaching doors, apologies were issued profusely to confess my worthlessness, disclose intent on smallness, and the planned acquisition of the least portion of chances inside (declared mentally to appear sane, obvi). Hesitance and unease accompanied me through many doors where notice of my inadequacy and inevitable discard loomed. More doors, more chances to practice. Initial hypervigilance, anxiety, and shame turned into awareness, calm, and compassion. Habituating, living, and examining uncomfortable experiences bolstered selecting chances to expand composure, curiosity, skill, confidence, and trust in worth by simply existing—no earning required.

I choose chances boldly now; with specificity, intention, and wisdom, they can evolve through study, work, love, stillness, deliberate defiance, reflection, compassion, and flexibility. Outcomes vary—okay-ness stays. Gratitude lives in me for all who exemplified chances as abundant with possibilities to design—gifts that allow access to vulnerability, deconstruction, construction, and purpose. Chances withheld or given in fear create more fear and doubt. Chances offered in love with beliefs of worthiness build more capable, expansive, and love-filled humans; an increase in trust in self-composure and integrity forms.

I develop and embody the quality I give in life, people, and experiences. The more significant the exploration, the deeper the investment it requires. The return is clarity in discernment. In my first 200-mile race, I invested heavily in physicality and mentality. 

My vulnerable emotions stayed only with me– no investment. Shame developed and formed another false safety wall. In my extreme state of physical and mental fatigue, defenses were down, the wall unprotected— it fractured at the most breakable point– my hidden emotional suffering. I felt broken and shattered during and after the race, ultimately only angry at myself for my fallen strength and self-betrayal. Self-seclusion and punishment heeded. 

2024 urged chances to develop and create emotional openness and honesty with myself and others with virtuous intent in their relations with me. A start and continuation to cultivate loving and caring people in my life now offer evidence that self-selecting out of love was never needed. Running countless solitude miles is a full brain, body, and heart experience. I live, think, and feel in extremes— intense discomfort nourishes decisive clarity. Clearness allows liberated action to accept individuals in my life—to experience, support, assist, love, care for, and be cared for—through all moments required for this goal and beyond to create a deeper community connection.

I never assume the audacity to know what is "correct" for others. I do believe and practice forward motion in giving myself and others a chance to become different versions of what is envisioned by losing restricted beliefs and placing opportunity over probability. Outcomes will vary while participating in experiences and connecting with individuals one did not imagine having will be cherished gifts reinvigorating additional chances. 

I invite all to become constantly curious, contemplative, and constitutional in choosing a chance followed by chances they do not consider accessible—take steps to start and reach out to others to gain momentum. As always—outcomes will vary, but experiences and people along the way will be the loved gifts that reinvigorate and perpetuate chances.